Frontpage Features

BY RICK TITTLE

So Donovan McNabb is now a Washington Redskin.  The Eagles were probably loathed to trade him to a division rival, but McNabb refused to come to my Raiders, who were offering more than what Philadelphia received.  Reports are that McNabb stated he would rather retire than be traded to Oakland. Hmm…that’s not good.

It was not that long ago that most good NFL players actually wanted to play for Al Davis.  Look at all the guys who excelled elsewhere and then found their way to the Silver and Black: Mike Haynes, Lyle Alzado, Eric Dickerson, Ronnie Lott, George Blanda, Ted Hendricks, etc.  The list could go on for pages and pages but we only have one website over here.

Now my Raiders are the Clippers.  We are in the Siberian wilderness.  We swim with the fishes and look up at the Tidy Bowl Man.  We’re the team that people love to laugh at.  We bring such joy and mirth to those who engage in abject schadenfreude.  The Raiders are so bad, in fact, that I’m beginning to use big German words like schadenfreude.

I have McNabb’s full quote in front of me, so let me relate it to you now: “I would never accept a trade to the Oakland Raiders.  I would rather retire first.  The Raiders are poopy and they smell bad.  They’re inconsiderate and don’t know which is the salad fork and which is the dinner fork.  It costs money to cross bridges to enter San Francisco but those same bridges are free when traveling to Oakland.  Fairyland at Merritt Lake is no Disneyland, I’ll tell you that.  We love Santa Claus more in Philly, too.  I would even rather be forced to listen to Rick Tittle every day before I would play football out in that hellhole.”

So go ahead, Mr. Big.  Play for the Redskins, the team with the ultra P.C. name.  Dig out your driveway eight months a year.  We’ll be basking in the sun as we win five games again.  At least our players want to be here.  I think.

Rick Tittle can be reached at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it