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BY SCREAMIN' BILL LEEMAN

I thought the torture was over.  I said the torture was over.  I believed the torture was over.

For crying out loud, is this how it's going to be?   I don't know how much more of this I can take.  Am I going to have to start drinking again?

Okay, let's talk about it.

Texas is a formidable team, and they are favored, slightly.  They have great pitching, great hitting, speed on the base paths, terrific arms in the outfield and a team chemistry that rivals the Giants.

They also have Bengie Molina, the slowest man that ever walked on grass.   It'll be a real treat to see him clogging up their base paths, instead of ours.

And speaking of Mr. Molina, he has got to be the happiest camper on the field, because he gets a revenue share of the playoff and World Series money from BOTH teams!  Talk about hitting the jackpot.   I don't know exactly how that works, but apparently since he played for the Giants earlier this season, he gets a share, and now that he plays for Texas, he gets a share there, as well.  

Man!   Drinks are on you, dude!

Okay, now:  How many out there think we can win this?   Let me see a show of hands.  

Oh, good, there's a whole bunch of you.   That's heartening, because we CAN win this thing, and here's how:

By playing ball the same way we've been playing all year.   Doing what got us here in the first place.   Squeaking by, eking out a run, hitting a homer at just the right time, not washing your shirt.  Getting a double play.  Wearing a thong.  A different guy coming up big every night.  

That's what got us here, and that's how we'll win it.

Them Texans are a mighty fearsome team, y'all.   Cliff Lee?   The way the media tells it, he will never lose a game.   Josh Hamilton?   They're saying he is the reincarnation of Mickey Mantle.   Elvis Andrus?   Reminds some of a young Willie Mays.

Let me tell you:  These guys are human beings, same as all the Giants players.  Cliff Lee HAS lost, and he CAN be beaten.  
As good as Josh Hamilton is, our pitchers are capable of neutralizing his bat.   Same goes for Elvis Andrus.   Buster Posey nails him at second once or twice and it'll put a different light on the subject.  That is, if he gets on.

The thing that got us here (without invoking the baseball gods) is mainly our pitching.   I think we have the best staff in baseball.  

Remember In '01, when the D-Backs beat the Yankees in the World Series?   Well, they had Curt Schilling and Randy Johnson, who each won two games.

Well, we've got Lincecum and Cain, and Bumgardner to boot.   Should be enough.   Oh, yeah, and Jonathan Sanchez.  He worries me, after that choke job in the last Phillie game.   But if he pulls it together, the Rangers don't have a prayer.  

At least you'd think so.  

Then why do I have the Heebie Jeebies?

The torture is on.